Living with an Alcoholic

How does one cope with an alcoholic...especially one that refuses to do anything about it...??The trouble is when they are sober they are such a wonderful person..I joined Al-Anon in the hope that I might find some answers..they only help those that know or live with an alcoholic..its more of a sharing ones burden..but it doesnt answer what I really want to know..! Perhaps, if I try and find some literature on the subject of alcoholism,,maybe that might help me understand what the problems is..or will it? I live in a mad mad world of chaos..wondering if I am living with another person and not the one that I love and know! I sometimes think it is perhaps my fault that they are drinking..what the hell is wrong with me...what have I done wrong..have I triggered this bender he is on...! He is not violent but can get nasty with things he says..then he regrets what he has said...tells me he doesnt want to argue...well neither do I...but I hate what is happening now..and want to thump him to make him see what is happening...But I know that wont help or do anything..just make things worse...! I have to live in a world of silence whilst he is in this mode..! I am frustrated and angry too...Cant he see what he is doing is destructive..He has numerous health problems Diabetes, Atrial Fibrillation, asthma and other things....so why are they hell bent on making things worse....I guess I will never know...in the meantime ...I sit and watch and cry myself to sleep!