Down by the river

Landscape of a mountain lake...

I painted this one today...havent painted for a while but decided I would do some today...and  chose this subject to paint it is from book but I quite liked it and found a little more challenging...

A new interest in watercolour painting

I have just found a new interest since my cardiac arrest watercolour paint....I hadnt realised that I could paint...but I have discovered that I can...well I am a novice I dont think I will be another Michael Angelo just yet or Van Gogh or Monet.....as much as I do like those artists and their works of art....I also like Turner too...... Anyway....my passion for painting has taken off and I have completed quite a few paintings....some maybe not too great....but I am finding that whilst painting it is very relaxing and the knock on effects would be a much more calmer me...so that must have an impact on my medical conditions too...on the more positive side...!

Life after a Cardiac arrest

After having a cardiac arreston the 22nd April that was the day my life turned upside down. Before having my cardiac arrest I was living with an alcoholic he unfortunately I know now contributed towards me having a cardiac arrest...that took place when I was shopping in  the big Tescos in Cirencester..I cant remember anything about the actual cardiac arrest nor can I remember much of that day to the run up of my cardiac arrest...a bit frightening because it feels like I have lost some of my memory even that week beforehand...All I know is that I wasnt feeling very well for a while but put it down to my other health problem Fibromyalgia as I not only suffer from chronic pain but I feel exhausted a lot of the time even when doing the most simplest of tasks that others take for granted! Most of what happened that day had to be related to me by my daughters and my now ex partner. It feels like some parts of my life have been taken away from me..of course I was told by the nurses and doctors that I may never recoup those memories and perhaps its just as well..I suppose and is my brains way of closing off a traumatic experience! In short I was lucky in many ways, as there were other shoppers who were able to administer CPR to help restart my heart..also the quick action of the staff using a portable defibrillator to shock my heart into working again. This was all done until the emergency paramedics came onto the scene... I was carried  into the ambulance outside the store then taken  to a Lorry park  where an air ambulance was waiting to fly me to the John Radcliffe hospital in Oxford and thus ended in the Critical Care Unit ...I remember waking up but I think I was very confused as I had no idea where I was or how I got there! I missed all the drama you could say....!!! I spent four days in Critical care and then moved onto the Cardiac Unit and stayed there until my discharge...I had extensive tests and it was discovered that I have an inherited heart condition Cardiomyopathy ARVC only the left ventricle of my heart was affected. My half sister Dena had a cardiac arrest when she was only 39yrs and it all came to light after my cardiac arrest the family history of this heart condition. The lower chamber of my left ventricle now has irreparable damage unfortunately which was discovered after having an OMCR scan. I also have an irregular heart beat which was life threatening as I am prone to SADS ( Sudden Arrythmic Death Syndrome ) so, I was advised that an ICD (Implantable Cardioverter Defibrillator). This was fitted on the 1st May this is so that if I have another irregular arrythmic attack the ICD will kick in and shock my heart into working properly. I was discharged on the 2nd May and told I would be sent a follow up appointment in six weeks...Hmmm here lies another story...no letter of discharge was sent to my GP so she had no idea of my cardiac arrest or any tests done and treatment undertaken..Six weeks later still no news and by this time I am really feeling like I have been abandoned...couldnt find out who my cardiologist was or my ICD nurse ..Swindon hospital had nothing on their database system...and I could not be put into the system here in Gloucestershire...I have had to chase up whats happening via the British Heart Foundation web site..and pushing for a cardiologist by pestering the John Radcliffe hospital..Apparently I dont fit the criteria for Cardiac rehabilitation because my arteries are not blocked nor do I have a problem with heart disease. My heart condition is something completely different. The nearest support group for cardiomyopathy is miles away from me in Wiltshire..near Salisbury...I cant get there because I am unable to drive for the next 6 months...As I have stated my whole world has changed dramatically..and there are some activities I am unable to do...I tire easily and I am virtually a prisoner in my own home..Yes, I have my family who have been very supportive but its not like I can really talk to them about my condition as they have not experienced anything like it. Yes, they do come and spend some time with me but when they go I am left with the prospect of being on my own....I sometimes dont mind as I dont mind my own company and can always find something to keep me occupied...Up until recently I had to change my telephone numbers as my ex-partner kept pestering me over all sorts of stuff...which really stressed me out....also I found myself getting really emotional...Finally his stuff has now been cleared from my house...its a strange feeling being left alone with ones thoughts...I have my dog jack I can take out for a walk...but neither he nor I can walk very far...Nor, can I just jump on a bus and go shopping...that is one task I cant do...I am unable to carry heavy bags...I have looked up some groups such as art groups, Drama groups and the U3A but some of them are not local so that means I either have to ask my daughter to take me if she is available...or get a bus..and hope I am able to get a bus back home if its late at night! The other problem is my dog Jack...he doesnt like to be left home alone...and is likely to create a lot of noise..! However, I am working on that one...! Roll on October when I get my independence back!!!!

Living with an Alcoholic

How does one cope with an alcoholic...especially one that refuses to do anything about it...??The trouble is when they are sober they are such a wonderful person..I joined Al-Anon in the hope that I might find some answers..they only help those that know or live with an alcoholic..its more of a sharing ones burden..but it doesnt answer what I really want to know..! Perhaps, if I try and find some literature on the subject of alcoholism,,maybe that might help me understand what the problems is..or will it? I live in a mad mad world of chaos..wondering if I am living with another person and not the one that I love and know! I sometimes think it is perhaps my fault that they are drinking..what the hell is wrong with me...what have I done wrong..have I triggered this bender he is on...! He is not violent but can get nasty with things he says..then he regrets what he has said...tells me he doesnt want to argue...well neither do I...but I hate what is happening now..and want to thump him to make him see what is happening...But I know that wont help or do anything..just make things worse...! I have to live in a world of silence whilst he is in this mode..! I am frustrated and angry too...Cant he see what he is doing is destructive..He has numerous health problems Diabetes, Atrial Fibrillation, asthma and other things....so why are they hell bent on making things worse....I guess I will never know...in the meantime ...I sit and watch and cry myself to sleep!